I keep adding things to the list, so here’s the list

  1. People who think the phrase ‘as a mother…’ lends moral authority to anything that comes after
  2. Media outlets that invite non-scientists to ‘have your say’ on topics of scientific debate
  3. People who say ‘…[person] that…’ or ‘…[non-person] who…’ (I’m looking at you, Tyra Banks)
  4. Inbox Zero zealots who are so pleased with their efforts to zero their inbox they frequently tweet or Facebook ‘I just zeroed my inbox’ or whatever they call it

    The list. Photo: Klaus Post via stock.xchng
    The list. Photo: Klaus Post via stock.xchng
  5. Politicians and journalists who treat any human behaviour on the internet as being an entirely new phenomenon that never happened before there was an internet
  6. Anyone who reveals the Eurovision result before I’ve watched the final
  7. People who retweet April Fools jokes prefaced with ‘This is a HILARIANT April Fools joke!’
  8. The Sydney Morning Herald‘s tryhard cool-hunting reviewers outing all the city’s best kept secrets
  9. The Sydney Morning Herald‘s Olympics coverage
  10. Channel 9’s Olympics coverage
  11. Legislators who make ‘ambush marketing’ a crime
  12. Telemarketers
  13. Woolworths Homeshop
  14. McAfee
  15. People (especially journalists) who don’t understand the difference between correlation and causation
  16. The ABC for giving hours of airtime to Scott Morrison, Kelly O’Dwyer and Sophie Mirabella but never allowing anyone to question their massive, obvious lies and hypocrisies
  17. People who TV-tweet shows less morally worthy than Q&A and MasterChef
  18. The producers of Q&A for choosing the most irritating and predictable questions (and guests) EVERY FUCKING WEEK
  19. Q&A audience members who don’t understand the basic premise of asking a question
  20. People who appropriate the language of scientific or philosophical scepticism to promote their sheep-like belief in whatever half-baked drivel companies, politicians and the media want them to believe
  21. People who give away important personal information to complete strangers through Facebook apps because they’re too lazy to count on their fingers or look something up on the internet
  22. Social reader apps that expect me to sign up for them just to read a news article
  23. Online retailers that make me create a user account and fill in personal details they cannot possibly need and most likely will not store securely
  24. People who accept everything at face value and, when challenged, insist that others do the same
  25. People who post or share images on Facebook that contain nothing but text
  26. People on the train, generally, and in several specific ways
  27. People who think one example is a trend and two examples is scientific proof
  28. People who call me “John” because they’re too busy and important to read the last two letters of my name
  29. Anyone who ever had a Fairfax blog and is called Sam
  30. People who miss that an opinion piece is satirical or sarcastic and complain about what poor journalism it is
  31. Journalists who don’t understand basic maths or statistics and come to entirely the wrong conclusion
  32. People in art galleries who loudly make unoriginal and ignorant observations
  33. Sniffer dogs
  34. The poker machine industry
  35. The fashion industry
  36. The tobacco industry and its apologists in the Liberal Party
  37. Journalists who fail to ask obvious and basic questions
  38. Journalists interviewing journalists
  39. The media talking about the media’s understanding of the media
  40. Trees
  41. Religious groups that believe they have any right to dictate how other people behave
  42. People who comment on things online
  43. People who whinge about how tough life is because they can’t afford everything they want right now
  44. The words ‘iconic’ and ‘based’
  45. The construction ‘one of the most [superlative] [somethings] in [somewhere/some time]’
  46. False dichotomies
  47. False equivalences
  48. Tony Abbott
  49. Adobe (clarification: the software company, not the building material)
  50. Roaming gangs of metrosexuals
  51. Ray Warren
  52. People who hold repulsive views who, when challenged, complain they are being prevented from expressing their repulsive views
  53. People whom society protected from the consequences of their actions, then lauded as heroes or role models
  54. Children’s choirs
  55. The purl stitch
  56. Logitech
  57. Erection medication ads during the Tour de France
  58. Facebook’s ad targeting algorithm
  59. Bicycle helmet sceptics who use exactly the same unscientific and illogical rhetoric as climate change sceptics to advance the claim that bicycle helmets don’t save people’s lives
  60. Americans who think universal healthcare is communism
  61. Curtis Stone
  62. People who have trouble entering 10 digits into a keypad and somehow end up calling my number
  63. ‘Studies show’ stories
  64. Kathy Lette
  65. Bricks-and-mortar retailers that think the answer to their declining revenue is to pay staff less and treat customers worse
  66. Kathmandu (the retailer, not the city)
  67. Judith Sloan
  68. Dorky descriptions of weeks-old internet memes in the mainstream media
  69. Goldman Sachs for having 12,000 vice presidents out of 30,000 employees (oh, and being evil)
  70. My super fund for losing more money than my employer put into it in the past year, then telling me that adding my own money would be ‘strengthening my super’
  71. Status bars that go from o to 100% more than once, thus completely defeating the purpose of a status bar
  72. MSG
  73. People who use the word ‘unprecedented’ to mean ‘like, wow, big’ rather than its actual meaning that nothing like it has happened before
  74. People who think they’re side-splittingly funny for making references to Harry Potter, Twilight or other pop culture I don’t give a crap about
  75. Avocados that have fibrous brown bits in the middle (technically called ‘vascular browning’)
  76. . . . and that’s just in the past 12 months. Now over to you . . .

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Mothers in general, I think, and I include myself in that. Love your list. Oh shit, no 42.

  2. Nat says:

    Children’s choirs now make me cry, and not because my ears hurt. Oh the shame.

  3. Sharon says:

    Seriously, what’s your grudge against the purl stitch?

    1. Josh says:

      I can’t get the hang of it.

  4. Josh says:

    The phrase ‘went viral’, and people who ask ad agencies to make them a viral video.

  5. Nice. But trees are always great, even when they are annoying.

    Misleading labels on food. Wow, so your sugar based food is “fat free” is it? Your drink laced with sugar has “no added sugar”? Yes, it’s technically true but completely misleading. Your product with too much salt has electrolytes now? Then there is the great: “Made in Australia”, “Produced in Australia” and don’t get me started on “Organic”

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