Office memo: mufti day

In response to a number of questions and complaints about mufti day on Friday, management wanted to set out some guidelines to make sure everyone behaves in line with our shared values.

  1. On mufti day, everyone should feel free to make comments offensive to women, Jews, Christians, white people, men, gays and lesbians, non-Muslims, moderate Muslims and some non-moderate Muslims.
  2. These comments should subsequently be explained as having been taken out of context or badly translated from the original language.
  3. When outside the company, people should make every effort to denigrate the company in the harshest possible terms.
  4. When inside the company or speaking to company representatives, people should explain how this is the greatest company in the world.
  5. Men and women should dress modestly to prevent lustful thoughts that could have a negative impact on corporate productivity.
  6. If women dress immodestly, they shouldn’t complain if some hungry animals eat their uncovered meat.
  7. If male employees are disciplined for eating the uncovered meat, the harshness of their punishment should be attributed to anti-Muslim discrimination.
  8. Any difficulties interpreting these guidelines are a result of them being badly translated and taken out of context.
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